It has been almost two years here in IISc, and I am yet to count the numerous good things that have happenned to me. Well, out of those, the two topmost things, without doubt, have been my reconnection with Physics since class 12 and me getting a chance to sing on stage once again after college. My days here in IISc have mainly been fraught with coming to the lab and visiting the music room from time to time.
I feel myself lucky to be a part of Rhythmica, the IISc Music Team. I have learned to sing the lower scales correctly, learned to play a few percussive-instruments, learned patience, teamwork, humility and, above all, smartness. However, I still have stage fear and out of the 3-4 stage performances I have given here in IISc, I like none! Guys like Sanjeev and Raghav keep on telling me that I need to improve my body-language on stage: it's not all about how you sound, but also about how you look! It's not about singing, it's about performing! Yes, yes. I know. I keep on harping these points to myself every time I go to stage. Last time I sang "Aao Na", I looked like a zombie -- standing like a statue in front of the mics: the only part of my body that was moving was my right foot (um... I was tapping my foot to keep the beat)! I saw the video. I dreamt a lot about posting it on Youtube the night before I sang the song, however it's needless to say that the dream crashed once the video got edited and arrived!
Imagine about asking a day off from lab to my advisor: "Sir, can I please take tomorrow off?" Even without asking 'why', he replies: "Sure!" I clarify: "It's because I have to attend to some extra-curricular committments!" (nice way to put it! :P) Advisor: "No problem, go ahead! (As long as I am happy with your work.. :P) you can even take 2 days off!" Once the conversation ends I ask myself: is it really that funny? I have enjoyed Physics more than anything else on campus ever since I came here and it's needless to say that I love labwork! However, sometimes, this Music Bug gets too hard to bear and it is then when I need a quick release! Hmm...
So I rehearse twice the last day and see that the song is coming out well! Good! Now to focus on my body! It just can't stand still this time in front of the mics! I decide to make some deliberate moves.. something explicitly to be decided, a priori, on topics such as: what do I do with my arms on stage? I must not keep them hanging! Shall I walk towards the guitarists and the drummer during the interludes? This concept is known as: 'Using the Stage' and many follow it. Most importantly, what should I do with my eyes? I mostly sing with closed eyes, but I have received open criticism about this... Directly looking at the audience and singing is tough for me (I don't know why... :| ...)! Suggestions? Most of my mates told me to do the simplest thing... feel the words as I sing.. to forget there is an audience scrutinizing (and hopefully criticizing) my every move... To sing it as though I am singing it for myself only... Hm.. Easier said than done, anyways, I decided I will hold the mic this time with both hands.. that takes care of my upper limbs; as far as the lower ones are concerned, I rejected the idea of roaming around on stage... I will rather stand still and sing (and jump a bit during the "high"s just to make sure it doesn't look monotonous), facing the feet of the front-row audience (that avoids any risk of eye-contact)... Done. Last wish: "I hope my advisor is not among the audience!"
The song came out well.. Raghav said it came out better than "Bulla Ki Jaana".. both song-wise and performance-wise.. I was so happy! Aha! :)
Next morning I come to the department. Two seniors approach me. "Hey, listen!" They were quite senior to me, having almost completed their PhD degrees! "What was the song you sang yesterday?" I mumbled the song name. "Why did you sing it that way? Hands on mics, shaking your head from time to time, ...as if you were a rockstar!??" Um.... Nothing to say! I kept mumb. "Listen kid, in future, try and avoid all these pranks on stage... you go there and sing gracefully and come back.. That's it.." So here was something I coudn't resist knowing more about. It's, after all, for the audience only I had decided to change myself! I explained to them the mental trauma that I underwent before getting on stage: "I didn't want them to call me a zombie again!" "Zombie or not-zombie, it doesn't matter!" the senior said, "What matters is you are from Physics Department! You must have a minimum dignity when you stand on stage... Pathetic!"
Hello! Now where does that leave me? :| ...........................
