Maaya, me, and the Zero

This post is a sequel to Maaya, me and the Open Fields

 “Do you see a circle?” she asked. I searched for it. “Don’t look hard” she said, “See if you get it.”

The cabinet door was dusty and jammed. And I was wondering how I could open it. Was looking for a keyhole. Why did she want me to open it anyway?

“It’s not working!” I said, “We should probably leave it as it is.”

“You will never open it if you don’t see the circle”, she remarked, “And you will never find the circle if you don’t stop trying too hard”. 

The basement was dark, except that sometimes we could catch a glimpse of each others' faces. A mellow streak of light streamed in through the ventilators. Spider webs were all around. It felt like trying to open a century old treasure chest. 

I eventually stopped and turned towards her. “Why are we here, Maaya?” I asked. She looked at me, “Because I asked you to open that cabinet”, she said. Her voice trembled a little. “What is inside?” I asked. She took a pause. “Nothing!” she said, looking away, “You don’t see the circle”.

I had no idea what she was talking about. But I didn’t want to sadden her. So I turned towards the cabinet once more. Amidst that dust, I thought this time I found something vaguely resembling a loop.

“I found this loop” I remarked.
“You got it?” she asked.
“Yes, but it's not a circle!” I said turning towards her.
“See whether you lost it again!” she said as she moved away.

The loop was gone. Within moments. Vanished.

 It was upsetting. Also frustrating because I didn't quite get the motive behind trying to open a jammed cabinet hidden in a dark, damp, dusty basement. I stood there sometime thinking what can I do or say next.

“When you wrote the first part of this story, we touched!” Maaya broke the silence. "When you wrote the second part, we thought! But neither way it has worked." she said, "So this time we will try it my way”.

I turned towards the cabinet once more. The loop became visible once again.

“I found your circle”, I said.
“Ok!” she said, “Now can you go inside? Do you feel me?”

It felt odd at first, but my hand could literally go through the loop and reach inside the cabinet! The door didn't have to be opened!

I first groped in the dark and felt nothing.

“Do you feel me?” she asked again.
“I feel nothing!” I said, “There is nothing inside.”
“That’s me!” she said, “I feel you though!”

Surprising! Also terrifying, because her face told me that she was telling the truth. Although my hand felt nothing, I was indeed holding a part of her hidden deep inside. I wasn’t sure how it happened but all I wanted was not to hurt her. I felt a responsibility. I slowly drew my hand out and said “I didn’t feel anything!”

“Because you still think it’s not a circle!” she said, taking a deep breath.

“It looked more like an oval! Really.” I said. She was quiet. 

I moved aside as she drew closer to the cabinet, “Feel”, she said. And she put her hand through the loop and reached inside and I felt a pang almost immediately in the chest. “Tesseract!” she exclaimed. 

I tried to breathe normally, but couldn't. I felt her hand inside, touching my lungs as they inflated and collapsed, holding my heart as the organ kept pumping warm blood through my veins. I was scared. “You held mine worse” she looked at me, her hand still inside the cabinet, “That should make me more upset than you are now”.

I couldn't concentrate. It felt like I was about to fall from the roof of a building and her hand was the only thing my heart was holding on to.

She brought her hand out of the cabinet. The oval disappeared. “Now you know what it feels like” she said, "Do you still think it's not a circle?" She looked at me intently.

I had to tell her the truth. “It's an oval, Maaya” I said. 

We shared a long silence. Her eyes were finally moistening up.

“This was our last chance” she said, “I wish one day you will feel my imperfections”.